Reject rejection

I don't know about you, but I have dealt with rejection on and off throughout my life and sometimes it has been quite painful.

What is it about rejection that we fear so much?  

This is my theory: 

We fear the idea of being rejected more than the actual event happening to us.  I think that we put a lot of ourselves into what we want to create or have etc and then if things do not go the way that we want, that is when our expectations are dashed and rejection comes knocking on our self-esteem door.

I used to be terrified of being rejected.  I was so bad at one stage that I would not ask for what I wanted because I did not want to hear someone say "no, you can't have that."  It was quite self-limiting.

Last year was a prime example of how I sabotaged my own success through fearing rejection.

I decided to become an Intimo Lingerie Consultant and start my own small business selling through party plan.  

I thought, "I can do this, it looks easy.  I mean, it's just bras and undies, right?"

I did all the training and learned how to fit a bra properly.  I knew my product, I believed in my product and I knew who my target market was.

Then I had to do something that was way out of my comfort zone.  I had to set up the parties by asking people to host them for me.  

At first, I was confident that women would want to host a party and that it would be easy to set up the dates.  That was when I had my first reality check and realised that not every woman wants to have a lingerie party or host one.  I got a lot of rejection and it felt awful.

I came up against all sorts of excuses and reasons as to why they couldn't or wouldn't host a party.  I also had a few ladies go MIA in an effort to avoid me.  Some wouldn't answer the phone, some would not respond to my emails.  Others would try not to be 'cornered' by me.  

Of course, not everyone was like that.  I did get my 8 parties to become a consultant and I was successful at the parties and I did get sales.  What I wasn't good at was asking people to continue to buy.  I wasn't good at picking up the phone to confirm their booking.  I wasn't good at taking rejection at all. 

I got to the point where I was shaking as I put the phone to my ear because I didn't want to hear another woman say no to me.  I also didn't know how to turn it around.

As a result of my fear of rejection, my business died.  I killed it.  Plain and simple.  Sad as it was, I learned so much from this experience.

Some time after of hanging my bras up and some deep contemplation, I realised how my fear had sabotaged my best efforts to be successful.  This made me angry.  I was upset with myself for letting my fears drive the Selina-bus.  

The odd thing is, that I now do not seem to have the same level of anxiety inside when I ask for what I want.  In a way, I think this experience taught me not to care so much when people don't want what I have to offer.  

I realised that not every product is right for every person and that it is better to be rejected and move on straight away than waste time on the wrong prospect.

So now, I say, "NEXT!" and celebrate that one more bites the dust and I am one step closer to getting what I want because as Jack Canfield says, "some will, some wont, someone's waiting for what you have to offer."   Being able to reject rejection is so helpful to creating a successful business mindset.


Selina Shapland

Founder, Administrator, Writer and Entrepreneur at Selina Shapland

My name is Selina Shapland and I have a wealth of real-life experience working with and supporting high level executives, managers and colleagues as well as supervising administrative staff. I've worked in Industry, Private Enterprise, Government and the Education sector in various roles for over 20 years. I believe that the key to success lies within your own personal and professional continued education and reflection. I offer tips, hints, admin how-to, my own life philosophy and coaching.

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Wendy Huang

Wendy Huang , Full Time Blogger and YouTuber at A Custom Blog in 4 Minutes

So right Selina, I find that fear and insecurity are huge killers and usually prospects will see it from a mile away. I'm glad you've grown from it! I love hearing about these stories :)