How do we like to feel appreciated?

Team Management

Did you know that in our core essence we want only two things – to be loved and to be appreciated? We have so called ‘love tank’ that need to be fulfilled with love in order for us to feel loved and there are five ways to do that, Dr. Gary Chapman says.

Everyone of us feels loved in a different way and the trick is that the way we like to feel loved, is the same way we give love back. The challenge occurs when our partners, friends or colleagues don’t feel loved in the same way as us.

So, you do your best to show love to someone you love and then they don’t feel loved. What? How is that possible? It’s easier than you may think.

Dr. Gary Chapman has discovered that we have five “love languages”, five ways we like to receive and give love:

1.   Words of affirmation – we feel loved when we hear words of affirmation: “you look really nice”, “you are really good at cooking, thank you” or “thank you for picking up the kids” etc..

2.   Quality time – we feel loved when we are spending quality time with person we love: spending a weekend together with your partner, renting bicycles and riding together or sitting in a park watching nature, etc…

3.   Receiving gifts – we feel loved when we receive gifts, small or big: flowers, a smart phone application, a stone or a book, etc…

4.   Acts of service – we feel loved when someone does something for us: takes out rubbish, cleans the apartment or cooks a dinner, etc…

5.   Physical touch – we feel loved when we get a physical touch: reaching out and holding your spouse’s hand, giving a hug in presence of others or giving your spouse a shoulder massage…

When you learn your partner’s love language and you give them love in their love language, they will always feel loved. This is the best way to show love to any person you love. So pay attention and make sure you finds out what their love language is.

Same applies in the workplace, with on difference, a person love language in private life may be deferent then in the workplace environment. Dr Chapman calls them languages of appreciation. Again, the easiest way to make your employees feel appreciated is to show them appreciation in THEIR love language.

Now that you know how people like to feel loved, what is your next step? What is your love language?

“How do we meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved? If we can learn and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything you ever felt when we were infatuated” – Dr. Gary Chapman

If you would like to know more send email to

What is your experience with love languages? Share you thoughts in comments area below :)

Damir Butkovic

Director at Damir Butkovic

Damir Butkovic works as a marketing 'how to' guy assisting business owners to grow and automate their businesses and find more time to enjoy life. He believes that the more you know about people; the easier it is to run a business. Also he loves life, sipping cocktails and staring at sunsets...

Comments (2)
Eric Phuah

Eric Phuah, Director at

Great article Damir, I won't go into my own love languages since there are so many types, but in the workplace as long as there is sincerity and genuineness from others, then I feel it will be appreciated.

Han Teng

Han Teng at Enter your company name

Thank you so much for sharing Damir. I really love what you wrote and quickly applying it :)