You think you're having a hard time this Christmas? Spare a thought for Santa

You think you're having a hard time this Christmas? Spare a thought for Santa

If everyone is to be believed Christmas this year is already becoming a disaster.

Mothers and chefs around the world are running around like headless chickens working out ways of making sure the turkey does not become dry and the stuffing remains as moist as possible. Supermarket trolleys are being filled to the extent that it would appear there will be no food available to buy for the next month. And I have enough alcohol to last a decade, but still think I need a couple more bottles of something which has the equivalent potency of ethanol.

At the other end business owners are burning the midnight oil trying to get all their work out the door before Santa's sleigh leaves the North Pole.

But if you think that your life is hectic or you are having a tough time, spare a thought for Santa. His situation is far worse. Let me explain.

You may think that he is a lucky man having to work only one day a year, but on the day he works all hell breaks loose. The reality is big Mr C is quite incredible, amazing and, well, epic.

Now being a numbers man I thought I would put some figures to show you how hard his life really is.

Let's assume he only visits Christian homes, although I know he does more than that because he hasn't missed my chimney in the last 9 years and last time I checked I had no photos of Jesus in my house. But I digress.

That's an impressive 800,0000,000 Christian Children he visits in one night. He has to travel an incredible 341,000,000 km, give or take a few hundred thousand kilometres in 32 hours (travelling east-to-west with the Sun gives him an extra, much needed, 8 hours) stopping at 266,666.666 households (assuming 3 children to a home). That's about 3,000 km per second, which is a little bit faster than my Aston Martin. And he also has a strong bladder too, because I assume he has no time for any toilet breaks and I doubt he has time to check Facebook or Twitter either.

Now everyone knows that big Mr C is a bit round and big around the gut area. There is a reason for this. Every household, he visits will leave him a mince pie and glass of alcohol. This means his calorie intake from the mince pies is, well, a bit big. Assuming 150 calories a pie that's about 40 billion calories in fact. No wonder he can't work for the next 364 days.

But that's not all. I am more concerned about his drinking and flying. His consumption of 266,666,667 units of alcohol makes me think that this might be a bit above Australia's drinking and flying limit. Now if he can drink this much and still fly, then that is impressive, but I suspect his license to fly might be at risk should he get caught. Something also tells me he might have a bit of a hangover too. I would hate to think what his insurance premium is.

There's more. His bank manager can’t be too impressed either because all the kids want a Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon this year and this cost $250 each which means he will need to apply for a $200bn overdraft facility. I know we think that Santa's little helpers make all the toys, but I don't think that is possible because Lego might sue Mr Cs pants off him. Or worse, his sleigh.

The Millennium Falcon also weighs about 500g which means Santa's sleigh has to be strong enough to handle 400,000 tons of presents which then requires about 4 million reindeer to pull it. And remember this is all happening at 3,000 km a second. Now that is what I call stressful.

So calm down. Take it easy. It will all work out for you in the end as it does for Santa!

If this article has brought a small smile to your face then I know I am on the right track. This is my last article of the year and I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a fantastic New Year. If things don't quite work out on the day, don't worry have a laugh and enjoy it with the ones you love around you.


Hitesh Mohanlal

Director at WOW! Advisors & Business Accountants

14 years ago I lost a family member aged 38. I realised then there were important things in life than business and money. This tragic event drives everything I do. I am the founder of WOW! Advisors & Business Accountants, MediSuccess and CrystalClear Bookkeeping. I authored Double Your Profits and Halve Your Working Hours for Medical Practitioners.' I am Australia's leading Strategist & Business Adviser with a passion to bring smiles to the faces of medical professionals. As a result of the work I have done & based on my approach I has been recognised on Fox, NBC, CBS and ABC. Most business owners work long hours & recent surveys show that work life balance, income and wealth creation is the major area of concern. My ethos is to work with business owners improving their accounting and taxes but particularly to improve profits/ personal income and wealth whilst cutting working hours in half so that they can enjoy an awesome lifestyle with plenty of time for family, fun and philanthropy. I specialise in the medical sector. I have worked with over 3,500 businesses in Australia, America, UK, Japan and Europe. I soon realised that over 78% of business owners: - Found understanding figures too hard. - Were never taught how to run a business. - Spent money on areas they did not need to. - Paid more tax than they needed to. So we design strategies to specifically deal with the above but also: - Move business owners from being a business operator to a business owner so the business can run on its own. - Create investments, assets and wealth which generate income so that if you are unable to work or retire income is still generated. I am so passionate about saving tax and improving profit that since March 2019 for every $100 we save/ make for clients I am committed to make 20 impact across the world. Currently over 1,000,000 impacts have been made.


Comments (2)
User
Loading...
Lina Barfoot

Lina Barfoot, Editor at SavvySME

Very funny article :) I will certainly spare a thought for Santa. Having said that, if anyone wants to get me that Millennium Falcon, feel free!

Lisa Ormenyessy

Lisa Ormenyessy, Business Coach and Marketing Specialist at

Yes, I laughed Thank you, and Merry Christmas too :-)